my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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