I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
