Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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