Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
