I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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