I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
