So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
