I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
