wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
