Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
