She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
