I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Every concussion has its silver lining
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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