Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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