She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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