foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
