Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
