my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
