he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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