I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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