If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Still dying that you shit outside
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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