If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
