the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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