Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
