I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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