I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
