i permit you to call me
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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