a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
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