I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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