I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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