I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
