Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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