If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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