he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
