I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
did i just pee glitter
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
