Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
