My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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