My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I party with great urgency now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
