she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
