I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize