Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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