Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
