Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
