I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
