About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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