Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
