the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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