dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
