Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
