There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
