If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
