its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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