He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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