why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
