I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
