Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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