just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
