I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
