Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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