I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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