oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
soo... how was my night?
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