i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
