the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
